Classic Copypasta Crap: Baby Shoes

Here's the whole thing.

For sale: baby shoes, never worn.

StudioC is my favorite Mormon thing.

As much as I've whined about BUUUURNNNNS and several Star Wars authors, this is my literal least favorite story ever written.

It starts off by not being a very good story. Oh no, the shoes are never worn. Obviously the baby dramatically died before it could wear them. There's a zero percent chance the parents just got too many, didn't like them, or the baby outgrew them.

But the real reason I don't like it is because of all the classes I've had to sit through by people convinced this is literally the greatest story ever written, because the shorter the better, and no one's figure out how to write a 5 word story yet.

For sale: Diapers, never used.

Look, I did it. Still implies a dead baby, and kind of funny. Much better.

Sale: Diapers, never used.

You don't actually need that For. It still looks like a classified add.

No.

The kind of people who love this story are the kind that like to remind you that, "No is a complete sentence."

Also, it wasn't written by Hemingway. 

RIP Tom Lehrer

There's been quite a few celebrity deaths this week, but none quite so relevant to this blog as Tom Lehrer. I've been thinking about doing some music on this blog for a bit, so this seems like a fitting first go. Lehrer's catalog isn't terribly long (he only really did music on and off for about ten years, between teaching and other writing ) so I'm just gonna grab some of the ones I like (none are particularly obscure, I might have to fix that) and do a little blurb for each.

New Math:

Catchy, like most Lehrer songs. It really only works if you have a visual though.

Be Prepared

I had a barber who could sing this from memory. Weirdly, he was not in a barbershop quartet. I don't think Lehrer would mind me linking a cover. (More on that later)

Masochism Tango

Better than "Tango: Maureen" and might as well get one of Tom actually performing in here.

Vatican Rag

I think Tom would approve of a group called Hot Cross Nuns

Smut

The song most likely to actually get talked about on this blog. Maybe someday...

The Elements

Probably his most famous. And who doesn't love a good Major General parody?

Oedipus Rex

I use this one in my classes.

You'll be missed, Tom.

"My Attic" by Nessmuk

 Besides his camping books, Nessmuk also has a book of poetry titled Forest Runes, which is a pretty good camping poetry book name. I don't know that I'll read the whole thing, but here's the first poem:

MY ATTIC

I HAVE an attic—not city made,

 Nor far removed from the fresh green earth,

Strewn with the tools of a manly trade,

 And guns, and fiddles, and books of worth.

A narrow window looks toward the town,

 Where, shown by waves of the summer breeze,

Are checkered glimpses of white and brown,

 Peeping thro’ maple and linden trees.

A little brook that murmurs and flows,

 A little garden of well tilled land,

And trees, not standing in stiff, straight rows,

 All planted and pruned by the owner’s hand,

Lovingly tended, thriftily grown,

 With many a quaint, odd crook and trend

I know their names as I know my own,

 And every tree is a personal friend. 

At the first faint glimmer on rock and tree

 I rise, with the earliest blue-birds’ trill.

’Tis a freak of mine; and I like to see

 The sunshine break on Losinger Hill;

For I like him best in his morning face,

 Untired with the daily race he runs;

And I’m sometimes sad when he yields his place

 To the winds of night and the lesser suns.

I ply the thread and the brightened awl

 To the runes that the woodland thrushes sing;

And the plash of a tiny waterfall

 Keeps merry time to the lapstone’s ring.

And little I reck, as I shape the sole,

 Of scanty clothing or empty purse,

I sing the ballad of old King Cole,
 
Or wear my leisure on simple verse. 

The man of millions shall pass away,

 His wealth divided, himself forgot,

But better one leaf of deathless bay

 Than all the riches that rust and rot.

And at rare, odd times, in the better moods,

 Some rustic verses to me are born,

That may live, perchance, in their native woods

 As long as the crows that pull the corn.

You now what, that's pretty good. I'm looking forward to the rest of it. (I don't expect to blog every individual poem.)

"On The Nature of Man" by Polybus? Or Hippocrates? Maybe? ~400 BC

 "On The Nature of Man"

Bonus: 

I think I played this game for like four minutes.

Summary: "The body of man has in itself blood, phlegm, yellow bile and black bile; these make up the nature of his body, and through these he feels pain or enjoys health."

Commentary: I think this is the first reading I've done from a Loeb text. I've done facing translation a bunch of times, mostly in school, but the Loebs are pretty popular in classics circles. I gave blood today, so I again went looking for something related to giving blood to read. 

I like how he starts by saying that people are not just made of fire or air or whatever. It's interesting to see a now debunked theory debunking an earlier theory. 

The four humors are:

Blood: Self explanatory

Phlegm: Same

Yellow bile: Bile, vomit, etc.

Black bile: Assorted fluids with blood mixed in, cancer discharge? No real consensus here.

Black bile:

Interestingly, there were apparently people who thought people were made ONLY of one of the four humors, because they would get hurt or take a poison, lose a bunch of one, and then die. You mean to tell me they thought some guy who puked to death and didn't bleed had no blood? Wouldn't you notice it after they were dead if you checked the body?

Hippocrates logic sort of makes sense. People have runny noses in winter, so they have lots of phlegm. Blood is hot, so it's more of a summer thing. He even kind of gets some reasonable thoughts on the cause of disease. If one person is ill, it might be caused by something they've done, and they should change their lives. But if everyone is ill it probably spreads through the air. That's close enough for 400 BC. Less sensibly, he talks about how babies are hotter than adults, but that doesn't appear to be true, and seems like something he could. 

Of Teacups and Teapots

 Kind of rambly entry today. Chugging my way through Kephart's book, but not blogging it. I did come across a fun little bit today that I want to share.

In his charming book The Forest, Stewart Edward White has spoken of that amusing foible, common to us all, which compels even an experienced woodsman to lug along some pet trifle that he does not need, but which he would be miserable without. The more absurd this trinket is, the more he loves it. [...]

If you have some such thing that you know you can't sleep well without, stow it religiously in your kit. It is your "medicine," your amulet against the spooks and bogies of the woods. It will dispel the koosy-oonek. (If you don't know what that means, ask an Eskimo. He may tell you that it means sorcery, witchcraft—and so, no doubt, it does to the children of nature; but to us children of guile it is the spell of that imp who hides our pipes, steals our last match, and brings rain on the just when they want to go fishing.)

No two men have the same "medicine." Mine is a porcelain teacup, minus the handle. It cost me much trouble to find one that would fit snugly inside the metal cup in which I brew my tea. Many's the time it has all but slipped from my fingers and dropped upon a rock; many's the gibe I have suffered for its dear sake. But I do love it. Hot indeed must be the sun, tangled the trail and weary the miles, before I for- sake thee, O my frail, cool-lipped, but ardent teacup!

 I've always liked the idea of having some kind of little trinket you carried with you. A lucky charm or whatever. Never really found one that clicked with me. I think the closest for me would be a Swiss Army Knife, but I actually use that all the time, so not the same idea.

That got me kind of thinking about Russell's teapot, but I couldn't remember the name of it, so I searched for "Teacup God" and found this story.

Short version, a talking teapot talks about all the ways it was tortured to go from clay to a teacup. It doesn't really align with the Bible verse it's supposed to go with Jeremiah 18, which is about fixing mistakes, but whatever.

I switched to "Space Teapot" and got Russel's Teapot:

I ought to call myself an agnostic; but, for all practical purposes, I am an atheist. I do not think the existence of the Christian God any more probable than the existence of the Gods of Olympus or Valhalla. To take another illustration: nobody can prove that there is not between the Earth and Mars a china teapot revolving in an elliptical orbit, but nobody thinks this sufficiently likely to be taken into account in practice. I think the Christian God just as unlikely.

I personally think the second sentence form of the "teapot argument" is the most interesting. Not only do we have no more or less evidence of (Christian) God than we do of the teapot, but we have no more or less for God than we do Thor, Aphrodite, or Shiva. "Where did the universe come from?" is a big, scary, unknowable question. If somehow I found out tomorrow that it was created by some kind of intelligent, powerful being, I think I'd go, "Huh." A lot of people think that, and it doesn't feel that ridiculous. (You then have to get into the question of who/what made "god" but that's its own issue) On the other hand, finding out that one specific religion (and even one specific sect, denomination, etc.) I'd be pretty flabbergasted.

 

Doomier Doom: Episode 2: The Shores of Hell

 The Shores of Hell is the first half of "Retail Doom" the two episodes you got by mailing a check in for some floppies back in 1994. Supposedly, a lot of people didn't realize this, and thought they were done at the end of Knee Deep in The Dead. This seems hard to believe since it had like 3 different ORDER INFO screens, and told you in the end of episode text, but what do I know, I was like 4 at the time.

I think Shores is a strong contender for the best official DooM level pack. It takes place on Deimos (one of Mar's moons) which has been transported "above" Hell. Thus, we get a cool "techno-hell" style that, to me, will always be the iconic Doom setting. 

Considering how much is in the Episode 1 demo, it's even more impressive how much new stuff is in here.

1. New gun: Plasma Rifle. Basically just a more damaging chain gun that uses different ammo.

2. New monsters: Cacodemon. Fills the "mid tier" role in Doom. Weaker than the bosses, but tougher than the zombies and imps. It can fly, and appears to have been almost directly copied from an old D&D book cover.

Lost Souls: The other flying monster. Basically annoying flaming demonic ping pong balls.

Cyberdemon: The Barons of Hell from last episode are now semi-common enemies (often flagged by giant carvings of their heads in a nice atmospheric touch), so we get their big brother. While not the final boss of the whole game, the Cyberdemon is really the definitive DooM boss. Takes a ton of hits to drop, and give it back with a rocket launcher.

A cool preview on the textures, with the missing body parts mirrored

Shoot it 'till it dies!

New powerup: Invincibility. Pretty self explanatory.

First "gimmick" secret level: "Fortress of Mystery" which is supposed to be based around monster infighting. Maybe if you pistol start it. (More on both of those later).

First crushing ceiling!

First crate maze! Back in ye olde 90s, it was common for FPS levels to basically be mazes with monsters sprinkled in (for what its worth, I think Doom does a good job of sprinkling these in, while also including some more dynamic level styles). E2M2 "Containment Area" is the first "crate maze" a level designed to look like a warehouse using repeated crate blocks to create a "realistic" and complex level within the confines of the engine.

Crate mazes would eventually become a cliche of level design. Entire websites even ran features mocking it.

At the time, it's fairly original. And it is a good level (it has non-crate parts too, which help). It even won a tournament to be named the best official Doom level back in 2015.

So, yeah. Lots of cool new stuff, and an all around solid set of levels. Two quick comments on some Doom design quirks before I close out:

1. "Pistol Start" By default, if you load a level without coming right from another (like you used to do from the command line in the old days) you start with no weapons but your fist, a pistol, and 50 bullets. It's still generally considered good etiquette for levels to be completable from a pistol start, even 30 years later.

This can lead to an issue in designing whole episodes however. A level with "just enough" guns/ammo might be too easy if you come in with all your gear from previous levels. This is particularly noticable in two levels in this episode. "Tower of Babel", the finale, has you facing down the Cyberdemon with no pickups besides a rocket launcher, mirroring its own loadout. If you come in from the rest of the episode, you'll probably have a plasma rifle (there's one in every map) and quite a bit of ammo. The plasma rifle is great for clearing out the Lost Souls that serve as filler, and arguably more useful against the boss itself than the rocket launcher, making the level much easier and a significantly different experience.

It's even more noticeable in this episode's secret level, "Fortress of Mystery." In theory, you're supposed to lure a pack of Cacodemons and a group of Barons into a fight, with only a modest store of ammo scattered around the level. In practice, it's much easier to just gun them down individually with the guns you brought from earlier in the episode.

2. Monster Infighting: DooM monsters aren't very smart. Their AI can basically be boiled down to: Notice player> walk in their general direction (with minor randomization to help them get around obstables)> Randomly attack in their general direction>Repeat.

If another monster is in the way, they'll often attack anyway (or one might wander into the path of a slow moving fireball). If this happens, the monster that gets hit might turn and attack the other monster. It's a fun little design quirk that isn't exploited a ton in the base game (entire levels will eventually revolve around it), but still cool. Just one of those little things Doom does to be fun that you don't see in modern games as much.

Next week INFERNO! 

Kephart Corn Dodgers

 Another popular camping writer (one self admittedly influenced by Nessmuk) was Horace Kephart. He published a couple camping books, one of which included a recipe for something called "corn dodgers" which I'd never had before.

Plain Corn Bread.—Pone or johnny-cake is easily and quickly made, more wholesome than baking-powder bread, more appetizing than unleavened wheat bread and it “sticks to the ribs.” To be eaten hot, and, like all hot breads, should be broken with the hands, never cut. Bread left over should be freshened by moistening and reheating.

The amount of water to be used depends upon whether the meal is freshly ground (moist) or old (dry), and yellow meal requires one-half more water than white.

1 quart meal,

1 teaspoonful salt,

1 pint warm (but not scalding) water (1| pints for yellow meal).

Stir together until light. Bake to a nice brown all around, preferably in Dutch oven. Test with sliver. Done in about forty-five minutes, but improved by letting stand fifteen minutes longer, away from fire, to sweat in oven. Eat with bacon gravy.

If you have no oven, plank the bread on hot slab before a high fire, having previously formed slight under crust by laying on hot ashes; or, make ash cake by forming into balls as big as hen’s eggs, roll in dry flour, lay in hot ashes and cover completely with them. Time for ash cake, fifteen to twenty minutes.

Corn Dodgers.—Salt some white corn meal to taste. Mix with cold water to stiff dough, and form into cylindrical dodgers four or five inches long and one and a half inches diameter, by rolling between the hands. Have frying-pan very hot, grease it a little, and put dodgers on as you roll them out. As soon as they have browned, put them in oven and bake thoroughly to a crisp brown.

They're basically like a small thick johnny cake or a simplified hushpuppy.

My wife asked for a little jazzier recipe for a pot luck, and I also made some with this recipe (based on another one by Kephart):

Ingredients:

1 cup cornmeal (I prefer yellow, but white works)

0.5 cup flour (All Purpose is fine, Whole Wheat comes out very dense)

1 tsp baking powder

2 tsp honey (can substitute molasses or sugar)

1 tsp salt

1 cup hot water 

1 egg 

~ 1 stick butter for the pan/glaze

Directions:

Butter a heavy skillet or baking dish and place in oven

Preheat oven to 375 degrees

Heat 1 cup water

Combine dry ingredients, honey, and egg in a bowl

Pour in water and stir vigorously

Remove skillet/dish from oven

Take small handfuls of dough, work into balls, and place in skillet/dish

Brush with butter

Bake for ~15 minutes 

Clearance Camping Codex: Coghlan's First Time Camping Guide

 

Saw this on the clearance rack at an outdoor store and thought it'd be a fun little companion to the Nessmuk posts. Three things stood out to me:

1. That little hole on the cover so you can put it on a store peg. Not very common on books.

2. It's written for parents who are novice campers to take their kids camping for the first time, which is a little different point of view than you usually see.

3. They list the plastic egg holder as an item you probably don't need your first time out. The plastic egg holder is hands down my wife's favorite piece of camping gear. She even bought one for our home kitchen she likes it so much.

Other than that, mostly good advice.

Console Carnage Creation: DoomRL

 This is kind of an off format post for this blog. I've never done anything with a video game before, other than the mini reviews on the Star Wars blog. But, Doom: The Roguelike is on theme, a great game, and I spent a bunch of time the last couple days playing it instead of Shores of Hell.

Since this isn't a gaming blog, I'll throw out a quickie definition of "roguelike" games. As the name implies, they're (to varying degrees) based on/inspired by Rogue, developed in 1980. Rogue was one of the first games to do a whole list of things that aren't relevant here. Today, Roguelikes are generally defined as having:

1. Randomly generated levels that change every time you play

2. Permadeath: Once your character dies, you're out. No reloading a save.

3. Turn based, not real time.

4. Broadly based on fighting your way down levels through some kind of dungeon-like structure.

There's a whole lot of other characteristics that some people will include, distinctions between "Roguelike vs Roguelite", but that's a good enough for here. Doom RL checks all those boxes, though I'd argue it's definitely on the "lighter" side, compared to something like Nethack, which requires memorizing (or looking up) hundreds of pieces of information, and often years of practice to beat.

What makes DRL (as it's apparently called now, cause Zenimax) special?

The Doom theme is obvious, and it's a great starting point for a game. I talked a little about it in the first Doom entry, and I'll go into it more when I actually cover Shores of Hell, but the techno-hell sci-fi/fantasy mash up of Doom is a great setting. And, like any good non-commercial game, it's full of refences to other franchises like Warhammer 40K, Hellsing, Trigun, and Megaman. (This is one of my favorite things about  indie games. The old versions of Defense of The Ancients had Warcraft, Final Fantasy, Starcraft, Slayers, and who knows how many other franchises running around. Nethack has Tron cameos.)

It's a (mostly) ranged combat based Roguelike, which used to be very rare (and still isn't the default). That said, the variety of approaches supported is pretty wide. Melee challenges are common, as is pacifism. Different weapon families play differently (a bursty shotgun build vs a rev up your chain gun one) just like in the original game. And it does a great job of tracking all that with different modes, achievements, etc. 

More than anything, I think it's the pacing that makes it fun. A lot of Roguelikes are very slow, intentional games. Check the 15000 things going on, line up all your buffs, etc., etc. And that's fun sometimes, and you can play that way. But mostly, DoomRL is a run and gun kind of game, and it even has mechanics like dodging to emphasize that.

Honestly not really doing it justice here, and maybe I'll come back and edit this or do a second entry later. It's a Hell (HA!) of a good time, and it's free. What more do you really need?

Classic Comic Carnage! The Doom Comic

 Since I'm doing Episodes 2 and 3 as a single entry (and they're longer and harder than 1. I died!) I need some filler. How about the infamous/famous/legendary Doom comic?

There's a newer dub that came up first on Youtube. This one is better.

The comic has a somewhat checkered history that nicely lines up with the "generations" of Doom games. Probably rant about that later. It was released in 1996, at a time when not complete garbage video game tie-ins were just starting to become a thing. iD commissioned it as swag at E3 (RIP) 1996, and it's been rereleased quite a few times over the years. In the interest of giving a good community site some love, I'll link to Doomworld's Retrospective from 2003, when Doom was 10 years old. It's over 30 now. Man this game is old. Anyway, here you go.

Anyway, reception throughout the years. 1996: Bad! At a time when there wasn't a lot of Doom out there. Two games, some pseudo-expansion packs, and a couple strategy guides. And the first couple console ports, which were mostly bad. (The Switch version isn't as good as playing on my PC, but it sure is convenient. It's kind of wild that it took over 10 years to get a "faithful" port with the Xbox 360 in 2006.)

The comic is also bad. In about the way that you'd expect a freebie mid 90s comic to be. The art is inconsistent (and never really makes it beyond mediocre in the best panels), the dialogue is goofy, and the plot and game mechanics are mostly nonexistent. So most fans seemed to spend the first 10 years give or take mostly mad at it. 

But, in the mid to late aughts, the internet did what the internet does, and it became a meme. That's when the above video was originally released, and "RIP AND TEAR" got pasted into about a million forum sigs. I think most people still knew it was bad, they just wanted to have fun with it.

And then (somewhere around 2015), something really weird happened. Some genius (probably Hugo Martin) decided "rip and tear" was going to be the entire thematic basis of the new Doom game. And now Doom is written by a 12 year old who just heard metal for the first time. It's pretty bad, but people love it.

But this isn't a whine about the New Dooms post (which may or may not ever happen) it's a Doom Comic post. Here's the memes, and some advise on how to tastefully deploy them on the internet.

"Whos' a man and a half? I'm a man and a half!" I will say, not many comics manage such a famous first line. Do you know the first line of the first appearance of Batman or Spider-Man or Spawn or anything? Probably not. Acceptable any time you are as good as at least 1.5 other people.

Anything else in the first page and a half: When using a melee weapon in a game.

"Rip and tear" Previously, for doing stupid things. Now, probably best to take it out back and shoot it.

"Here comes the night train..." For rushing into a room.

"Feelings of invincibility fading..." Self explanatory

"Allow me to communicate my desire to have your guns!" When trying to acquire better weapons from an enemy.

"Might makes light! And I feel mighty!" There are too many exclamation points in this comic.

"At this particular moment in time I don't believe I have a healthier or more deeply-felt respect for any object in the universe than this here X..." For when you have successfully acquired your favorite gun. Or just one that does really well.

"Dance! Dance, bonedaddy!" While using rapid fire weapons.

"Now I'm X! That can't be good!" When something can't be good.

"Why can't we [...]Oh, the humanity!" Anytime a poorly written attempt at a political message is inserted into a piece of media.

"I'm all about that X! And baby, it's all about me!" Similar to (slightly less than?) "At this particular moment..." above.

"Wow! Now I'm in completely different place!" When you get lost.

"My cause is just... my will is strong... and my gun is very, very large!" Most advanced version of "At this particular moment."

More Doom... someday? I don't know, busy weekend.

But Can It Play Doom?

 I had the end of a giftcard leftover yesterday, and decided to see what I could get on the Nintendo store during their sale:

I probably should've had DooM selected for this screenshot

One of the things I've talked about (mostly on the Star Wars blog) is how different media influenced me, was important in my childhood, etc. Doom is a strong contender for the most important game I played as a kid. It's the first non-kid targeted media I ever consumed. I played coop with my dad for hours. So for $2, I grabbed it on the Switch. I think of "Doom 1" as 3 different products, each of which was released separately, and I'm going to address them as such here.

1. Shareware (Episode 1)

2. Registered (Episodes 2+3)
3. Ultimate (Episode 4)

Besides the weird distribution differences (oh 90s), I think they each have a very different philosophy in terms of how the levels are designed, etc.

I'm going to skip over the whole history of Doom, how it's influential, etc. for now and just focus on Episode 1, which I finished replaying today. Maybe I'll come back on that later.

Doom's first episode Knee-Deep in the Dead was originally released as shareware in 1993. Short version: games at that time were often made as "episodes." Instead of a single game with 30 levels, you might get 3 episodes of 10 each. The first one (with the simplest levels, only half the monsters, guns, etc.) would be a free demo released over the burgeoning internet or on floppies in magazines, trade shows, etc. You could mail off to buy the other two. Somehow iD managed to cram more into a 9 level demo than some complete games do these days.

So to start out, here's all the things Doom's first episode did right:

1. Configurable controls. You gotta go to a separate setup program, but still. 

2. Quicksave. Somehow in 2025, at the peak of "accessibility" and "gaming is for everyone" we can't pick our own buttons or save the game to go the bathroom whenever we want.

3. Six different weapons, most of which are actually useful (the pistol is basically defined by its uselessness) and don't overlap. The number of games with 20 guns that're really just upgraded versions of 3 guns is frustrating. What's Doom give us?

Fists: They punch. They do low damage. They are a functionally distinct melee weapon though.

Chainsaw: Like fists, but really fast. And it "grabs" whatever you hit. No ammo!

Pistol: Shoots one wimpy bullet really slowly.

Shotgun: Shoots a burst of low damage shots. Modest rate of fire. One of the most accurate shotguns in gaming.

Machine Gun: Shoots bullets fast.

Rocket Launcher: High damage AND splash.

The chainsaw mostly obsoletes the fists, and the pistol sucks, but the other 4 are all useful and distinct.

4. Six different (and slightly less distinct) enemies:

Former Human/Zombie: Has a giant rifle that slowly shoots pistol bullets. And almost no health.

Former Human Sergeant/Shotgunner: Slightly tougher, and with a shotgun.

Both of these are hitscan (instant hit with no dodgeable projectile) which makes them different from the demons, and still somewhat threatening even in the later levels.

Imps: Brown spikey demons with fireballs. The defacto mediocre grunt.

Pinkie Demon: Big pink and melee. Actually a modest threat in Doom 1, unlike some of the other games (more on that later).

Spectre: Semi-invisible versions of the above. Weirdly, show up before the original on higher difficulties.

Baron of Hell: Baphomet looking boss. Fights similar to an Imp, but much stronger.

Again, how many games today just use 10 different variants of "dude with gun" as their only enemy?

5. A varied pickup system with basic stuff like ammo, slightly more complicated ones like health and armor (do you pick up the little health now, or wait to combine it with a big health later?), and powerups like invisibility. Maybe invisibility is a touch unrealistic, but items like radiation suits give level designers a lot of flexibility compared to "follow the hallway" murder games.

6. Levels with mostly reasonable secret areas that start easy and work up to reasonably hard. Why don't games have secrets to find anymore? I play on the second highest difficulty level and this is how I wound up at the end of one fight. And freedom to wander and back track as you see fit. Some of the levels are like 50% optional. No rails for Doomguy.

That's a lot of damage!

7. An interface that includes: Health/armor, ammo for ALL your guns, which guns you have, and the FACE (which give a secondary health and damage indicator). Why do I not have access to all this info at all time in most games today? There's a niche case for "no ammo count, it's realistic" but that's only a few games.

Also, a working map. Why don't games have maps (and why do so many of them suck so bad)?

It's kind of depressing that a 30 year old game has more features than a lot of modern $60 ones.

Which isn't to say everything is perfect. There's a few too many "tripwire" secrets, that you find just by dashing towards the sound of the door when you cross a magic line of pixels. The level theming is a little flat (it never really makes it out of toxic waste dump/military base). It's only sort of 3D, so you get weird issues if you're right in front of (or on top of) a monster on a different level. Not much of a plot (although the final level ends with a 90s approximation of a scripted sequence to take you to literal Hell).

All in all, still plays great. Well worth the afternoon it'll take to shoot through. It does a great job of introducing the basic functions of the game. These are mostly slower, simpler levels. Doom is pretty slow on the "Boomer Shooter" (a term I find overly broad and not super useful) scale at this point. It'll pick up in the later episodes (and change substantially by Doom 2).

So I think that's this week's project. Ramblin' about Doom and video games. It's pretty classic. Certainly theme adjacent at least. And the whole last episode is Dante's Inferno with guns.

"Woodcraft and Camping" by George "Nessmuk" Sears Part 10: THE END

 Chapter X ODDS AND ENDS—WHERE TO GO FOR AN OUTING—WHY A CLINKER?—BOUGHS AND BROWSE

Not a ton here, this is a short section, and very much feels "stuff I wanted to say, but had no where to put." There's a short section on choosing where to go (and strongly recommending the Adirondacks) that feels like it could've been extended. I guess back then you mostly just camped in your own backwoods. None of this driving to the camp nonsense.

Mostly this is more canoe stuff. But here's two pieces of advice he gives.

1. If you go before the open season for shooting, take no gun. It will simply be a useless incumbrance and a nuisance.

2. In a word, act coolly and rationally. So shall your outing be a delight in conception and the fulfillment thereof; while the memory of it shall come back to you in pleasant dreams, when legs and shoulders are too stiff and old for knapsack and rifle.

Both good advice.

For myself, (and I noticed similarly in the Ben Franklin marathon) these week plus dives into a single work (or series of related ones) can get a bit boring. I much preferred how I did The Odyssey last year, doing an update or two a week (even if I did lose the rhythm part way through). I think the short and varied style matches my blogging better. I don't mind reading a longer piece, but blogging through it can be tough.

Not sure where I go from here. There are a few other old camp books I might read, Nessmuk has a poetry collection, and I've been kind of light on Star Wars updates. 

"Woodcraft and Camping" by George "Nessmuk" Sears Part 9: Canoing

 Chapter IX—Canoeing THE LIGHT CANOE AND DOUBLE BLADE—VARIOUS CANOES FOR VARIOUS CANOEISTS—REASONS FOR PREFERRING THE CLINKER-BUILT CEDAR

There's a lot here about the best kind of canoe, how to build them, etc. I'm not sure how valid that was even back then (I don't think most of his readers were building their own, or even taking detailed specs to a boatsmith). What was more interesting is how little the weight of a canoe seems to have changed in 150 years. They still weight ~50 pounds on average, same as back then. I'd think new materials and what not would've had more of an impact. Maybe 50ish is optimal for other reasons (stability in the water or something) and hasn't been changed on purpose. 

Also interesting, Nessmuk notes that he prefers a two bladed paddle to a single (though he brings a single as well for careful maneuvers). Today, we mostly think of a double as a kayak paddle, though they are used by canoes.

And a great pull quote, without comment:

 in spite of the disparaging remark that "a canoe is a poor man's yacht." The canoe editor of Forest and Stream pertinently says, "we may as properly call a bicycle 'the poor man's express train.'" But, suppose it is the poor man's yacht? Are we to be debarred from aquatic sports because we are not rich? And are we such weak flunkies as to be ashamed of poverty? Or to attempt shams and subterfuges to hide it?

"Woodcraft and Camping" by George "Nessmuk" Sears Chapter 8: Trekking Solo

 Chapter VIII A TEN DAYS' TRIP IN THE WILDERNESS—GOING IT ALONE

Nessmuk treks for ten days to visit a friend. He says up front that it's not for the faint of heart. 

" I had the decency not to slaughter game for the love of killing, and leave it to rot, or hook large fish that could not be used." Good for you, George. 

Like the earlier chapter with the "OW" this is out of Nessmuk's usual mode, and a little harder to follow. I do like the story about his encounter with the wild hog, which is too long to paste in here.

These know that nature is stern, hard, immovable and terrible in unrelenting cruelty. When wintry winds are out and the mercury far below zero, she will allow her most ardent lover to freeze on her snowy breast without waving a leaf in pity, or offering him a match; and scores of her devotees may starve to death in as many different languages before she will offer a loaf of bread.

(She will give you food, but only if you apply force and know how, he says.)

 He sees a flock of turkeys: "Among them were some of the grandest gobblers I had ever seen, and one magnificent fellow came straight toward me."

I had a whole flock of turkeys wander through my camp site about 6 or 7 one morning. One of the oddest, but coolest things I've ever seen. I heard something scratching around and, thinking it was squirrel bugging the guylines, peaked through the window. Instead I saw a good 10 or 15 turkeys. They picked their way along making little bawks occasionally. 

 I came at length to a stream that I knew must be the south branch of the Muskegon. The main river could scarcely be more than ten miles to the westward, and might be easily reached in one day.

It was time. The meal and pork were nearly gone, sugar and tea were at low ebb, and I was tired of venison; tired anyhow; ready for human speech and human companionship. 

Nessmuk is a people person. This reminds me of one time when we were canoeing down the river. We had a tropical storm at our back, so the river was moving pretty quick, and we came to what was supposed to be a good half day ahead of schedule. We got to the sandbar/island we were supposed to camp out on, and it was a scrubby mess. We decided to just push out and come in a day early.

"Reader, if ever you are tempted to make a similar thoughtless, reckless trip—don't do it." I'd like to do a night or two solo, but ten days is an awful lot.

"Woodcraft and Camping" by George "Nessmuk" Sears Chapter 7: MOAR COOKIN'

 Chapter VII MORE HINTS ON COOKING, WITH SOME SIMPLE RECEIPTS—BREAD, COFFEE, POTATOES, SOUPS, STEWS, BEANS, FISH, MEAT, VENISON

This chapter is Nessmuk's wilderness cookbook. He finds most of the others he's seen better suited for a fancy hotel than camp.

WHO DOESN'T LIKE FLAPJACKS!? "the universal flapjack. I do not like it;" (He prefers cornmeal johnny cakes. Fine.)

He also makes bread on top of a club of wood stuck in a fire, which is either gross or cool. Maybe both. I'd try it.

Cut a club two feet long and three inches thick at the broadest end; peel or shave off the bark smoothly, and sharpen the smaller end neatly. Then stick the sharpened end in the ground near the fire, leaning the broad end toward a bed of live coals, where it will get screeching hot. While it is heating, mix rather more than a half pint of best Minnesota flour with enough warm water to make a dough. Add a half teaspoonful of salt, and a teaspoonful of sugar, and mould and pull the dough until it becomes lively. Now, work it into a ribbon two inches wide and half an inch thick, wind the ribbon spirally around the broad end of the club, stick the latter in front of the fire so that the bread will bake evenly and quickly to a light brown, and turn frequently until done, which will be in about thirty minutes. When done take it from the fire, stand the club firmly upright, and pick the bread off in pieces as you want it to eat. It will keep hot a long time, and one soon becomes fond of it.

He goes into a rather long section of coffee. I think he'd have made a fine coffee hipster in modern times. He's also a big fan of green tea.

And he wants you to cook your beans and potatoes better. You always mess them up. And squirrels. Basically everything.

Porcupine is, "like spring lamb, only better."

Of course, he gets some trout recipes in there.

He's not a big fan of cans (which he's said before). Heavy and uncomfortable to carry. He's not above a few now and then (usually milk and beans). Do bring salt, pepper, and lemon. Grind and mix your own. Don't bother with fancy sauces. (Save it for the hotel. Always with the hotel.)

"Woodcraft and Camping" by George "Nessmuk" Sears Part/Chapter 6: Cooking and Making Camp

 Chapter VI CAMP COOKERY—HOW IT IS USUALLY DONE, WITH A FEW SIMPLE HINTS ON PLAIN COOKING—COOKING FIRE AND OUT-DOOR RANGE

This is an odd chapter. Nessmuk is in a narrative mode here, telling the story of a party of four youngsters and the "O. W." (Old Woodsman). Much, but not all, of the content is restated from earlier in the book. It's not bad, but I think he's better in his standard expository style. This also might've made more sense later in the book, when he could review all of it instead of just the first half. Maybe there will be another one back there as well.

Pull quote: If there is a spot on earth where trifles make up the sum of human enjoyment, it is to be found in a woodland camp.

Camping is all about the little things. Enjoying the little stuff you don't get in the city, and avoiding the little mistakes that can ruin it.

I did not expect to be out this late and I'm tired.

 I should come up with a plan for when I have nights like this, instead of just posting BS. I need my own filler gimmick. We went to a fair today to meet with the local Lions club, which I'm thinking of joining. That's a nice old fashioned Classics Guy thing to do. And then tomorrow we're going canoeing, which is a very Nessmuk thing to do.

I was considering posting some pictures as a filler, but I'm hesitant to share pictures here that I share other places. I kind of like keeping my online identities separate. I went back and looked, thinking I had done it exactly once, but it doesn't look like it.

There you go, not a bad entry. Some talk about semi-topical things to do, and a bit of paranoia.

"Woodcraft and Camping" by George "Nessmuk" Sears Part/Chapter 5: Fishin'

 Chapter V FISHING, WITH AND WITHOUT FLIES—SOME TACKLE AND LURES—DISCURSIVE REMARKS ON THE GENTLE ART—THE HEADLIGHT—FROGGING

Nessmuk really likes fly fishing. He's not above live bait, but he prefers the fly. It seems to be the primary way he fed himself when out camping (though he does some hunting as well). I admit to being a poor fisherman, but I wonder if there were more fish, fewer fisherman, etc. back then? He says he caught 50 pounds by 10 AM once!

Notably and preferably with the fly if that might be. If not, then with worms, grubs, minnows, grasshoppers, crickets, or any sort of doodle bug their highnesses might affect. When a plump, two-pound trout refuses to eat a tinseled, feathered fraud, I am not the man to refuse him something more edible.

"We all carry too many flies." Oh boy, here he goes again. "Some of my friends have more than sixty dozen." Okay, maybe he has a point.

"I did as directed, and, making a telescope of my hand, looked intently for the bottom of the spring-hole." I guess this makes sense to block the glare, but really it just makes it sound like Nessmuk and Hobbes.

I had never heard of "frog" fishing, where you put a bunch of hooks in a kind of frog shaped bait. I guess it makes sense. Maybe I'll be better at that.

"festive batrachian" I LEARNED THAT WORD FROM MY STAR WARS BLOGGING!

It may be well, just here and now, to say a word on the importance of the headlight. I know of no more pleasant and satisfactory adjunct of a camp than a good light that can be adjusted to the head, used as a jack in floating, carried in the hand, or fastened up inside the shanty

I have a flashlight that has a magnet built into the base. I didn't realize how useful it would be until I got it. I stick that sucker on something at least once a week. 

"a rope is as strong as its weakest part" Is this ye olde timey version of "a chain is as strong as its weakest link"?

Cooking tomorrow. I think that's a bit more my speed.

"Woodcraft and Camping" by George "Nessmuk" Sears Chapter/Part 4: Campfires

 Chapter IV CAMP-FIRES AND THEIR IMPORTANCE—THE WASTEFUL WRONG WAY THEY ARE USUALLY MADE, AND THE RIGHT WAY TO MAKE THEM

I cannot stress enough how much Sears hates wall tents. 

"No asthmatic or consumptive patient ever regained health by dwelling in a close, damp tent. [...]  An experience of fifty years convinces me that a large percentage of the benefit obtained by invalids from camp life is attributable to the open camp and well-managed camp-fire."

On children and tourists with campfires: 

The wood was thrown on endwise, crosswise, or any way, so that it would burn, precisely as a crowd of boys make a bonfire on the village green. The object being, apparently, to get rid of the wood in the shortest possible time.

I definitely remember being a 12 year old and seeing how many logs we could burn through in a camp night.

"It was in the "dark days before Christmas" How great would it be to spend the week before Christmas out camping (preferably in the snow, not that we have a ton of white Christmas's in Eastern PA these days) and come home to a big dinner and all your family and friends there?

Nessmuk advocates for something like a lean-to fire, seen here: 

Honestly, he says very little about how to build a light a fire. He spends as much describing one type of camp shelter as on the whole affair. Maybe a "Classics Guy Supplemental" will be needed.